What to do when you don’t understand your partner’s behavior

Category: ,

Remember these three words: BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION


  • Does your partner go silent during a tough discussion?
  • Does your partner’s tone change when having certain conversations?
  • Does your partner get emotional when you respond in certain ways?
  • Does your partner get defensive when you bring up a complaint?
  • Does your partner reject your bids for affection?

dont understand your partner-01

The thing is that behavior is usually communicating something that your partner’s words aren’t.

So the question is, are you paying attention to what his/her behavior is telling you?

When you are baffled by a repeated behavioral response do the following 3 things:


Just make a simple observational statement. For example,

“I notice that when I say x, you get really defensive. Can you tell me what that stirs up in you?”


Imagine you are in their shoes. What does it feel like to be your partner in that moment, can you respond in a way that shows you get it?!

On the flip side, what behavior do you use to communicate? Can this help you gain some insight into what may be going on with your partner?


When all else fails go toward the emotion and address it directly.

Something like, “I sense you are annoyed, when I say x.” or “It seems like what I said really hurt you.”

Then sit back and listen.

These three simple steps can go a long way to helping solve some of the miscommunications that so often happen between couples.

Share this post:


Are you ready to feel more connected in your relationship?

Check out our many course and eGuide offerings to take your relationship to the next level.

Video Based Courses

Flagship courses and targeted topical courses to help you solve the most common relationship struggles and feel more connected in your relationship.

Audio & eGuides

Do you prefer to read or listen to your information? Learn by listening or downloading guides that will transform your relationships with others and yourself.

Share this post:

Gain access to our free relationship resource library!