Marriage can be so confusing. I know that is a simple statement, but really give it some thought.
If you’re married, you should know exactly what I mean; and, if you’re not married but have been in a relationship, it’s not so different. I am talking about the mystery of “how did we get here” or, “how did things get so bad”.
These statements, whether you’ve thought them or even said them, imply that you are passive in your marriage…that you arrived somewhere or things went bad but you really had no part in it…as if you fell asleep on a long drive and woke up at some terrible destination.
This is most certainly untrue when it comes to marriage. You cannot sleep your way through the journey or just click on your cruise control for that matter. Marriages are living, dynamic relationships that require active involvement and management.
So I want to put out three relationships truths that can save your marriage.
TRUTH 1: IT IS NORMAL TO BECOME IMBALANCED
Hopefully this one brings you some relief. There are times in marriage when it feels like you’re cruising, totally easy.
But then there will be times where everything feels a bit off and you may not even be sure why.
I want you to really hear this point, it is NORMAL to become “off” or imbalanced in your marriage.
Life has a way of unbalancing you. This means that both you and your spouse may not have done anything wrong, but life just threw you some curveballs and you two slipped out of sync.
Seriously, this is normal and normal life stuff can do this to you. Like having a baby, moving, renovating a house, job promotions, cancer, sickness, injuries, work travel, kids activities, whatever.
Just the normal life stuff can throw your relationship out of balance and that is ok!
TRUTH 2: THE DANGER IS NOT THAT YOU BECOME IMBALANCED, BUT THAT YOU STAY IMBALANCED
Maybe you saw this coming?! But this is so incredibly important.
Your marriage relationship will inevitably become imbalanced, but if these imbalances continue without being addressed in some corrective way, then these slow leaks will either flatten your relationship or lead to a big blow out.
TRUTH 3: THE KEY TO SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE IS TO REGULARLY BALANCE YOUR IMBALANCES
I am challenging you in this post to take on a new job description: be your relationship “manager.”
Think of all that we manage in our lives: finances, schedules, social life, exercise, chores, meals, our home, etc. Relationships, especially marriage, require management as well.
Marriages do not run themselves.
Marriages are not self-correcting.
So strive to pay attention to the regular and NORMAL imbalances, but then seek to actively engage with your spouse to regularly rebalance your relationship.
If you think about it, how freeing is it to know that it is normal that things will be lacking in your marriage?!
That when you actually talk about this stuff, that it is normal and expected to have things you want to do differently or address?!
When you have the expectation that things will need to be addressed, it can help to lower your defensiveness when you take the time to sit and manage your relationship.
So what are you waiting for? Get to it. Save your marriage by actively managing your imbalances!