The lower drive partner controls the sex life

The lower-drive partner controls the couple’s sex life

Did you know that if you’re the partner with the lower sex drive that you hold the power all in your “yes” or “no”?

It feels a little different when you think about it like that right?!…like a form of power in the relationship.

But it really is power because the high drive partner is essentially always “game” but he/she is just waiting for the green light.

Your sex life is especially important and sensitive. When the high drive partner hears “no” more often than “yes” divides in the relationship can quickly develop, hurt feelings and resentments can brew, and feelings of closeness can start to erode.

So consider the following suggestions for committed, overall happy relationships…


  • Learn what turns you on. And communicate that to your partner. Hint: it doesn’t have to be in the bedroom.
  • Know that you may not experience arousal until you are actively engaging in foreplay or sex. So you being in the “mood” may NOT be the best indicator of whether to say yes or no.
  • Your goal should be to say “yes” more than you say “no”. This may actually require you keeping track of your responses.


  • Talk with your partner about how he/she would like to be approached for sex.
  • Talk with your partner about how you’d like to be told “no”. And work to accept no without pouting or persisting.
  • Discuss what turns your partner on (hint is may not be in the bedroom).

When it comes to your sexual relationship, it is important that both partners care about meeting the sexual needs of their partner.

This can help each partner to take some ownership over this aspect of the relationship, which ultimately promotes a more balanced sexual life together.

If you struggle to discuss your sex life, check out our guide 7 Conversations to a Better Sex Life. This guide will take your through 7 empowering and transformative conversations that will help you feel more connected. Ditch the awkwardness and talk about this important area of your relationship. You get the audio version free when you order the eGuide. Check it out here.

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