When your needs have been neglected for so long, it makes sense if you don't even know what they are anymore. And if you partner repeatedly gets defensive or replies, "I guess I just don't do enough around here" it makes sense that you shut down and stop speaking up.
Does this sound familiar?
You finally get a moment to yourself, but have no idea how to spend it because you don't know what you even need
You feel invisible in your relationship but you don't know what you need to feel better
You worry about being a burden to others if you ask for what you need
You have resentment in your relationship after being back-burnered for way too long
You finally muster up the courage to tell your partner what you need and they just take it personally. So you spend the rest of the discussion reassuring them that they're good enough?!
You tell your partner what you need but every dang time it ends up in the two of you competing about who needs what more?
From Confused to Clear: The Ultimate Guide to Knowing What you Need & Communicate Your Needs With Confidence