How to meet your partner’s needs in 3 easy steps

Relationships are all about give and take and, quite honestly, great relationships really happen when both partners give more to each other than they take.

The problem is that sometimes we may give our partners the wrong things or the things that don’t get us the most mileage.

That’s why we say the golden rule of relationships is “do unto your other as your other needs” (said by Dr. John Van Epp).

In other words, love them how they like to be loved, not how you like to give love or even how you want them to love you. Capiche?!

meeting partner's needs

Let me give you an example. My husband likes it when I take care of tasks around the house and I like to give motivational pep talks and just blow his mind with my cheerleading abilities.

However, after I feel like I just killed another pep talk, he generally says, “Ok, yeah it’s fine I don’t need to talk about it.” OUCH!

It does kind of sting. But if I, let’s say, weed the front of our house, he is eternally grateful.

So I could be sour that my pep talk wasn’t totally umm appreciated or that it takes 2 minutes to give a pep talk and 2 hours to weed the front, buuut this is how my husband’s needs are best met and my job is to love him the way that he needs it!

I just want to put something out there…giving to your partner’s needs and wants is paradoxical…that is: when you give, you gain.

What you say?! This means that you will not be able to love your partner without stretching yourself to both understand and give to him or her in ways that may be very different than what is natural to you.

But the love you have for your partner should prompt changes in you.

It all sounds so simple but sometimes it’s just so hard to love against our own nature…So I am going to lay out for you how you can meet your partner’s needs in 3 easy steps.


You may be thinking, duh?! But this is not so simple for people and we are wired to meet other peoples’ needs in the way we like ours to be met, so yeah not so obvious now right?!

There are a few ways to figure out how your partner likes their needs met so feel free to try any of the following:

  • Ask them!
  • Pay attention to how they meet your needs. This is most likely what they would like most from you.
  • Think about their previous complaints, this may clue you in.
  • Think back to things you’ve done for your partner, what really seemed to do it for them?

Now once, you’ve got the deets on what does it for your partner, you can move onto to step 2.


So you’ve figured out how your partner likes to have their needs met. Now, your next mission is to come up with one way to meet this particular need everyday of the next week.

So, maybe your partner likes really romantic gestures. If you are clueless as to how to really meet this need then hop on Google and figure it out!

I am sure you can easily find a list of small romantic gestures to show to your partner.

After you’ve called in the reinforcements a la Google or Pinterest or what have you…. choose 7 ideas for the next week.

Add a reminder to your calendar or on your phone to then execute each of these things in the next week.


Ok, so now do it! Do it without spite or irritation, and know it may be with a bit of discomfort but just do it!

Now watch your partner and relish in their happiness and I promise you, good things will be coming back at ya!

Start incorporating this practice into your normal routine. Before you know it, meeting your partner’s needs how they like them to be met will have prompted a change in you and it won’t be so unnatural anymore! I promise!

If you or your partner struggles to define what you need or even feel like you have a right to have needs, check out my eGuide: From Confused to Clear: The Ultimate Guide to Knowing What You Need. This guide will help you tackle your hangups around having needs and get crystal clear about what you need in your relationships. Free audio version when you order the eGuide. Learn more here.

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