Ahh, the yearly reset is approaching and who doesn’t have a laundry list of things to “work on” in the new year?! Usually these resolutions have to do with losing weight (I’m raising my hand, is it still baby weight after a year?), working out more, eating healthier, getting finances in order and other respectable resolutions.
But why not add a resolution about choosing a healthier partner?! About picking that someone special that is truly special?! So, to help you get a jump-start on your relationship resolution, I am putting out there 4 dating red flags to avoid in the new year!
Oh, and make sure to check out our free email course offer below!
1) The Space Invader
So, I actually went out on a couple of dates with a guy like this. The first date went like this: the guy came into my apartment and we chatted for a few and then he walked over and helped himself to a drink out of my fridge. Small deal or big deal?!
Any dads out there want their daughter to go out on a date with this guy?! Heck no!
So, space invaders can come in all forms but the underlying issue here is, poor boundaries.
This guy felt entitled to walk into my apartment and help himself to my stuff?! To what else would he feel entitled? I didn’t stick around to find out and neither should you.
In the bigger picture, being in a relationship with someone with poor boundaries can cause all sorts of issues and insecurities. Can you imagine a partner with poor boundaries going out of town for work? Or, what happens when the relationship hits a tough spot and he or she feels entitled to push the boundaries with someone else? Just envision the many ways a partner could disrespect your boundaries?! See what I am getting at here?!
2) The Hopeless Romantic
I have known a couple of people over the years I would consider hopeless romantics. These aren’t the most dangerous of red flags, but they can be if you get really sucked in.
Here’s an example. Let’s say you’ve been dating someone for one month and it’s Valentine’s day. This person buys you all the knick-knacks he/she can find that are heart shaped with romantic-sayings, and then makes a rose-petal walkway for when you come over for dinner. Over dinner, this person tells you that he/she can see the two of you getting married. Any audible “awws” out there?!
Wait, don’t think I’m a romantic-phobe…cuz here’s the kicker…this person has been engaged 6 times. Still feeling special?
The hopeless romantics can first appear like a dream come true, like what you’ve been waiting for all this time. But when you really think about it, how do they know how special you really are after just a week, 2 weeks, or even a month?!
Their showering of love and adoration can seem a little diluted when it is measured against time and what they really know about you. So be careful of totally buying into all the hype.
Like I said, they aren’t the most dangerous of red flags unless you get swept away in the romance. If you find yourself in a relationship with one of these, slow it down, and make sure their romanticizing of you can stand the test of time.
3) The Big Flipper
Now this is a whole other beast entirely. This type of partner can really charm the pants off you…I mean this literally and figuratively. So, watch out.
The thing is with this type of person is that they also are masters of disguise, because beneath the charming exterior is another side that is angry, mean, unpredictable, manipulative, and sometimes even abusive.
There are two common signs of this type of partner. The first is when you start to feel a little crazy in your relationship.
By this, I mean, that you believe that you are right and perceive things accurately but he or she can flip the script so well that you start to feel like you are losing your mind. When this happens, it’s common to become riddled with self-doubt. I blogged about this before and you can read it here.
The second sign is that you feel like you are walking on eggshells. Like I said, this type of partner can really turn on the anger (or charm) in an instant and catch you off guard. After this happens a time or two, you will find yourself walking on eggshells constantly. This is not a good sign and partners like this usually do NOT change. My advice is get out as fast as you can.
4) The Swiss Cheese
Ok, so this guy or gal has what we call a swiss cheese conscience. Not to be captain obvious, but this means that their conscience has holes in it.
I blogged about the conscience more here, but the gist is that the conscience transports you in another person’s shoes while also helping to enforce your own moral code. This is one of the most important qualities to look for in a partner: a well-functioning conscience.
Someone who has a holey conscience will not be totally obvious at first. You may find yourself bothered by little things on a semi-frequent basis. When you feel things like: frustrated, ignored, forgotten, unappreciated and sometimes crazy, you need to take a look at your partner’s conscience.
The trick here is to look at things that you would characterize as “little deals” and see if there is a pattern. A good rule of thumb is that little deals add up to reveal major patterns. If your partner has a pattern of a poor conscience then, do yourself a favor, and avoid this one!
Conscientiousness is a tough quality to develop and you don’t want to spend this next year managing your own conscience and your partners.
Thank you for reading and happiest of holidays! I wish you a New Year filled with lots of love, happiness and laughter.
Also, I’m exited to share with you a free 5-week email course on how to have a healthy relationship this New Year.
You will receive one email a week for five weeks. The topics include: how dating has changed and what that means for you, warning signs of difficult partners, why you may be making the same relationship mistakes over and over again, why you need 90 days to figure someone out, and how to make real change!
Click below to subscribe and start the New Year on the right path!!
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