The popular phrase “opposites attract” can be a bit misleading.
On one hand, it is often true. I mean it’s a saying for a reason right?! The reality is that people often are interested in another person with qualities that they themselves don’t possess.
For example, if you’re introverted, it’s nice to be with someone who is more extraverted; it helps to balance you out.
However, let’s say that a person with an extreme anger problem ended up with someone with extreme passivity? Still magic? I don’t think so.
This brings us to the third relationship blind spot: attracting partners with a quality in the opposite extreme.
So I want to be clear, opposites attract can be great and is often a really good fit.
For example my sister likes to “have a plan” for things and she married a guy that literally buys his flights the day before a trip. Yes, it can drive her nuts, however his lack of planning requires that she mellow out a bit. And her planful nature inspires him to improve in his planning skills. See how a healthy opposites attract works?
BUT if someone has a need, emotional issue, or personality that is extreme, attracting an opposite can be a disaster.
Imagine a rager with a passivist, or a manipulator with a codependent, or someone with an extreme need for attention with someone who is emotionally absent.
This blind spot often occurs when there is some unresolved issue, which then leads to an attraction to partners who “complete” gaps but in all of the wrong ways and often in the wrong extreme.
And know this can also happen in reverse, meaning you may be repelled by certain people, who could otherwise be good for you.
So if you take inventory of your past relationships and notice a pattern of being with partners who “complete you” in all the wrong ways, it may be time to take a good look at what particular part of you is being completed in these relationships.
Is this something you can identify and attempt to do differently?
If not, it may be time to bring in reinforcements in the form of a professional.
However identifying your blind spots is a major step forward in making meaningful change in your relationships.
