After the dust of a romance settles and life and kids and careers pick up momentum, it is natural for your relationship to find itself swept away by the busyness of life.
It is in these times that you and your partner likely find yourselves, carrying out your roles or just “doing what is required” of you, but not going the extra step to care for and nurture your relationship like you did when you first got together.
Know that this is completely normal and expected; however when your relationship remains in this prolonged state of routine, it’s very likely that you or your partner will start to feel invisible, lonely, and/or taken for granted.
I want to provide you with a simple fix to prevent these feelings from creeping in and if you’re the partner that is feeling taken for granted you can use this post to discuss what you need with your partner.
THE TWO THINGS YOU NEED TO AVOID FEELINGS OF BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED
- To feel VISIBLE.
There are two things that you need to avoid feeling taken for granted, and the first is to feel visible. Feeling visible means that you’re seen and that what you do to contribute to the care of your relationship, life, and family are seen.
Feelings of being taken for granted can manifest as feelings of loneliness or even invisibility and feeling VISIBLE is the cure.
- To feel VALUABLE.
Feeling valuable is the second thing that you and your partner needs to keep feelings of being taken for granted at bay.
This accompanies visibility because not only does your contribution need to be seen, it needs to be valued and believed to be important to how your relationship and family operates.
THE FORMULA FOR HELPING YOUR PARTNER FEEL VISIBLE + VALUED
To help your partner feel visible and valued only requires one simple strategy which is to:
MAKE STATEMENTS THAT INCLUDE OBSERVATIONS.
You get extra credit if you include appreciation at the end of your statement.
This is so important because so much of what we do to help our family and relationship run is invisible. Think of all the things you do throughout the day that no one really sees, let alone acknowledges.
This is why statements with observations are so incredibly important (hint: they work well with kiddos too).
THEY SOUND LIKE THIS:
- “I just want you to know that I see how much you do to make the holidays special for our family, you are running around like crazy taking care of everyone and I see it.”
- “I know that I don’t really get all that you do while you’re at work but I do see all that it provides for us and our family. Your contribution is so important and I want you to know that I see that and appreciate it.”
- “I noticed how tonight you were so tired yet you still found the energy to get dinner on the table and care for us.”
- “I want you to know that I see you and all that you do to care for our family. You don’t always get the credit for all the little things that you do, but they are not lost on me. I see them and value you so much.”
I hope these scripts help you to imagine new ways to help your partner feel visible and valued in your relationship.
If you prefer videos to reading, check out the short video below on this simple, yet effective technique.